(i don't like the summer)

why is it that i feel so restless... so... ? when i'm busy, i want nothing but to be still ...
when i'm still, i feel empty, needing to do. needing to... my brain feels restless... and yet apathetic.
i want to put my hands to something and feel in my being that it means something.
i want to flee from monotony.
i want to stop trying to chase down the meaning of life in every movie i see.
i want to stop living my head.
i want to commit to something instead of wondering from half-started project to half-started project.
i want to feel too much.
i want to stop feeling.
i want to quit desiring to be nothing more than a human.
i want to gain momentum so every new step won't feel like the first one.
i want to be a friend.
i want to stop eating so much just because i'm bored.
i want my clothes to be made for me.
i want my body to be made for me.
i want to know that i can love -- not just some teenage angst cliche.
i want to know that someone can swear and still be a good person.
i want to never swear at all.
i want to feel satisfied.
i want...