What I do when I don't want to write a paper.

Once there was a wooden leg. It wasn't very happy being a wooden leg because it didn't like it's body. The wooden leg (let's call him Curtis) was attached not to a pirate --- that would be too expected. No, Curtis was attached to a ... dun dun dun... flamingo. Yes. Curtis was attached to a flamingo. And can you blame him for not enjoying being a flamingo's wooden leg? I can't. It was terrible for poor Curtis. The flamingo, named Bombo, had lost his leg in a shark accident (he was riding on a shark and forgot to pay him for his services and so the shark bit his leg off) (oh dear, don't read that line with your mind in the gutter... Bombo is a wholesome flamingo, he doesn't solicit "sharks of the night"). So when he arrived to the shore Bombo frantically fell upon a smooth piece of wood, then fainted. While he was out cold, his bloody stump of a leg fused to the piece of wood -- and Curtis was given a new home.
At first Curtis thought that this was a pretty interesting way to live -- attached to a flamingo. Bombo was a good conversationalist and they talked about many things. Curtis loved having something to talk to beside the twigs on his wood or the sand crystals (they don't really talk much and they're kind of cliquey -- it was a little depressing). Also, he got to meet other flamingos and became quite the cool thing among the lady flamingos. But while this was all really exciting and new for Curtis, eventually the little things started to bug him more and more. Curtis didn't like that Bombo always used him to stand on while the other leg got to rest up against him. He also hated how Bombo always let him drag on the ground when he tried to fly. Curtis kept hitting branches and tree trunks whenever Bombo flew anywhere. But the worst was how skinny the other leg was ... it made Curtis feel like the fattest flamingo leg ever. The other legs had done their best to make him fit in, but it was no use.
There is nothing worse than a wooden leg with self-esteem problems.
All these feelings kept building up inside of Curtis until one day he couldn't hold it in any longer. Bombo had just been flying around and by accident knocked Curtis into a tree. Curtis flew off the handle at Bombo, yelling and screaming at him about how he was always hitting things and having to hold him up and how every other flamingo's legs were so skinny and he was such a fat leg.
Bombo looked at him with sad eyes. A tear welled up in the corner and trickled down his beak. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he mumbled to Curtis.
But then a light dawned in Bombos eyes. "Don't despair Curtis! I know what to do!" he cried with glee. Bombo took off into the air, typically dragging Curtis behind him.
Curtis wondered where they were going. Eventually they came to the ocean. Bombo landed on the rocking waves and plunged his head into the ocean.
"CELINE!" he cried, as best as one can in water. He then popped his head above surface and waited. Curtis was less than thrilled with this plan. Not only did he not know what was going on, he was also stuck underwater!
Suddenly a shark came to the surface. "You rang?" it purred
"Yes," said Bombo. "I would like a ride to the island if you don't mind. My leg is giving me trouble."
So Bombo hopped on Celine's protruding fin and off they went. When they reached the island Celine turned to Bombo. "That will be thirty fish" she said
"Nope sorry doll" said Bombo. "I'm not paying"
"AGAIN!??!?" roared Celine.
Curtis looked at the shark in terror. One does NOT make a shark mad, especially twice!
Celine dove at Bombo, but only got a hold of Curtis. Curtis desperately tried to get away. WHAT WAS BOMBO THINKING??? He could feel Celine's teeth sinking into his wood and peeling away wooden curls. Finally Bombo yanked himself away from the shark and flew off. Curtis angrily told him to land.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??" he yelled.
"Wait," said Bombo, "Look at yourself."
Curtis did. And what did he see? A new and skinny Curtis! The shark had actually whittled him down so that he was almost the same size as Bombo's other leg!
"I'm not a fat wooden leg anymore!" cried Curtis, "and that means I'm lighter and you won't be bonking me into things anymore and I will actually fit in!!!"
HURRAH for Curtis! After that Curtis and Bombo got along famously. They even met Bipsy, a female flamingo that had a pitchfork for a leg!
And Curtis lived happily ever after.
The end